What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?

Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.

As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.

I was writing from the time i was a small child.

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Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.

I said to her

And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .

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Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.

But ive been too sick for many years..

And, all my friends down the years ,where users.

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I of course replied” arh beautiful!

But im dying ,and its too late for me.

One cannot live in the past .

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Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.

She found it foreign!.

The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.

Why do foolish atheists think their strange delusional theories are facts?

But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!

Comes on , in middle age.

But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .

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But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).

She died at 55 of colon cancer.

She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.

How do you get started in bestiality with a dog as a male?

I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.

So whats the point in blame.

He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.

Why do some men like anal sex?

Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!

Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.

But im an empath, and i help lots of people.

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But it wasn’t much.

As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!

We were not on the streets..

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I did it because my mum asked me too!

Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t

He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.

Should India conduct another air strike to attack Pakistan over the Pahalgam attack?

He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!

Was to survive, this bastard.

My mum and dad in the seventies!

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We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!

And who doesn’t know suffering?

I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.

How does the narcissist react when he realizes you no longer care?

I was seconnd youngest,

I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.

But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!

Do you think the number of sissies is on the rise?

As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)

I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.

A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.

Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..

I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers

I could never make a relationship work though!

Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!

She wouldn,t have been !

One cannot hold on to bitterness.

The only rule us 5 kids had .

So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.

Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.

Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.

I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.

I might have to go back 30 generations or more..

He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.

She loved him until the end.

It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.

I suffer greatly, because of BPD..

You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .

Its mostly always from childhood abuse .

And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!

As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.

He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.

I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.

He resisted the act ,that day.

I don,t even have a pension.

I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .

My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.

We all went to grammer schools

Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!

My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.

But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,

Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.

So, i spoilt her more .

As i do to all so called friends.?

We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..

It was going to be , some day.

Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..

I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.

I will be 64.

He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .

Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.

They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?

I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor

.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them

And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)

Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.

My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!

He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!

I never cut or harmed myself..

I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.

My family never makes their pension either.

Why did i forgive my father ?

I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.

I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!

I was 9 years of age.

She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!

Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.

Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.

She was in good health!

I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.

Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.

I waited trembling.

I was very sick at this time too.

My life is so biszare .

He was dying to do it , i knew.

He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!

So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.

One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.

At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.

And i lived it daily.

But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!

My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.

Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life

Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?

And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!

My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .

He knew the spot.

Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!

5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.

Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)

Put me off passion for life!!

The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,

Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..

I have no regrets .

Especially a lifetime of it.

I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!

And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!

Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.

The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..

She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.

Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years

All the time i was locked up.

I had hoped to write a book about this .

I couldn’t, believe it.

Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.

My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.

Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..

He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!

I write beautiful poetry .

But, we were locked up after school.

Where the ultimate outsiders.

One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.

I think the readers, may guess!

Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.

I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)

They are buried together, in the same grave..

As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!

This is soul school!.

I know ,a lot about trauma.

His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.

The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!

Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.

She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!

She was a women, a mother with her own children!.

19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.

For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)

You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.

With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.

When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!

But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.

On the 31st of Jan this month .

She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!

Who then, do I blame.?

His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!

Another so called friend had bit the dust..

Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.

We could never speak unless he spoke to us!

He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.

When she asked me how she looked .

Ive learnt so much.

One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)

I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.

Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other

She married twice! .

We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.

This is how, and why children get BPD.

That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.

He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!

I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.

Would this be the day?

And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!

(And it was in our own minds.)

Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.

Im still living with it.

Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.

Thats was my nicest nick name for him

And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.

BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.

What did i know ?

We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.

Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!

It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.

I was scared of men, in general

Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.

Im dying but, im not bitter.

But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !